Three Steps to a Great Sex Life

Do you have the sex life you desire? What gets in the way? What’s the secret to a great sex life? I asked these questions of hundreds of couples. The 25% who were satisfied shared the following tips:

What Gets in the Way? Stress is not sexy. Kids, work, fatigue, competing priorities, and, oddly enough—dogs—get in the way.

Secrets to a Great Sex Life

Sex is play and intimacy. Luckily, we are born to play! You are three steps away from the sex life you desire.

Step One. Reboot Your Play Habits.
Make playfulness a priority, in and out of bed.

  • Build anticipation with playful or sexy notes, texts, gestures, or calls.
  • Prepare for play. Get excited. Imagine. Set the tone.
  • Plan spontaneity. Mix it up. True or planned spontaneity can rule the day. Make the most of your playful moments.

Step Two. Re-think Sex.
What does sex mean to you?

  • Know yourself. Decide what you like and how you like it. Are you into romance without touch, with sex play, or abstinence?
  • Choose a loving partner. Sex play is having fun with a trusted and thoughtful partner.
  • Decide on monogamy or not. You can stick with one partner or enjoy the smorgasbord of life. As a partner, be honest and safe.

Step Three. Enjoy Your Partner.
No one enjoys a selfish partner. Focus on your partner, not on the activity.

  • Establish agreements. Decide who, when, what, and for how long. Try things once or never. Decide what happens when only one person is in the mood.
  • Do things together. Use together time to get in sync. Wash dishes, cook, shower. Tidying the house can be a powerful aphrodisiac.
  • Pick a safe base. Safety is sexy. It invites playfulness, risk-taking, and ramps up anticipation. Bases can be a touch, gesture, word, or sound.

Laugh! Funny noises, uncool faces, and awkward moves are normal and can build playfulness.

Your sex life is up to you. Own it. Love it.

Written for the Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor, January 2018